Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am one with the molecules
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
