I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
