I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
