The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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