Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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