I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
