So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
