how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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