the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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