I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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