Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
