There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
