I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
