I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
