Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize