I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
