Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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