When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
