didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
