How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
