the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"