hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now