Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  I cockslap morals

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  (917): I cockslap morals http://tfl.nu/zqeh
  Replies (5) Good night (3229) Bad night (672)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

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  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (182) Good night (52875) Bad night (2348)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge

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  (862): i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge http://tfl.nu/uife
  Replies (12) Good night (1169) Bad night (4193)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

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  (416): Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard. http://tfl.nu/iuc0
  Replies (20) Good night (4895) Bad night (835)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there

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  (319): You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there http://tfl.nu/a5ka
  Replies (14) Good night (1287) Bad night (3138)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS

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  (541): THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS http://tfl.nu/c3uu
  Replies (15) Good night (2392) Bad night (712)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.

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  (541): We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin. http://tfl.nu/h15a
  Replies (4) Good night (720) Bad night (494)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point

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  (561): I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point http://tfl.nu/m5fj
  Replies (3) Good night (1285) Bad night (413)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.

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  (250): I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night. http://tfl.nu/j1jk
  Replies (4) Good night (1002) Bad night (449)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"

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  (609): I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies... (1-609): You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award" http://tfl.nu/ecqm
  Replies (3) Good night (974) Bad night (439)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.

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  (404): I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight. (843): Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back? (404): I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me. http://tfl.nu/tm5b
  Replies (2) Good night (482) Bad night (708)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.

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  (203): She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift. http://tfl.nu/rhgi
  Replies (4) Good night (431) Bad night (755)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.

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  (479): I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal. http://tfl.nu/vh0f
  Replies (0) Good night (876) Bad night (230)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila

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  (508): Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila http://tfl.nu/1xij
  Replies (1) Good night (318) Bad night (129)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen

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  (630): I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/zigq
  Replies (2) Good night (254) Bad night (45)

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