I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.