Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
