bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?