i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
