mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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