it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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