Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
