No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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