If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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