i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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