Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
