you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
