I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
