he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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