it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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