This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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