New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
