Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
