Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
