I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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