i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
