You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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