Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
