I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
