She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
