No, you can still breathe under the balls.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
