So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
