I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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