I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
