The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
