FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We talked him into tasing himself.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's official drugs can't kill me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
