I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
