you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
