this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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