Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
