Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
foreskin is a definite game changer
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
