i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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