If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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