saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
