Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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