I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
