I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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