We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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