I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
