is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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