Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
