I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
