You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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