Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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