I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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