Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Randomize
