Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
