I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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