note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize