Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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