piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
