home. puking in laundry basket.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
