You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
