The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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