yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
