Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
