last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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